Shame Spiral

Shame Spiral n (via Urban Dictionary) A phenomenon that occurs when one is not only ashamed of something, but *ashamed* that one is ashamed, resulting in an endless decrease in self-confidence, and an exponential increase in self-loathing.

I am a total veteran when it comes to the Shame Spiral.  Most spirals start with beer or end with candy and the very, very best do both.

The other night I was so very excited for the Make & Meaning liveblog on "free."  Around 7 Central I poured myself a cold mug of Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Barleywine Style Ale (it is a very delicious "courage") and was ready to participate. 

And then I hijacked the topic.  I don't remember exactly why, but one of the hosts mentioned something about selling yourself, and I asked a question something like "What if you're insecure?" (keep in mind there is a transcript of the entire event, but I'm too deep in the spiral to look), and he responded "JB, Gather your forces."  Totally what I needed to hear. 

But then, OH MY GOD, people know I'm insecure.  OH MY GOD, I am insecure.  OH MY GOD, I hijacked this discussion. 

I piped up on other topics, but gosh it's hard to make a valid point when you're trying to be pithy but feeling like a loser in front of the very gods of craft.  You know that part in Kill Bill where she's trying to dig herself out of the grave with one little fist?  That was me, and it was embarrassing. I felt like the subject of a universal eye roll.  Please tell me I'm not the only one who's ever felt that way. 

The great thing about a shame spiral is it can start out with something small and eventually manifest into "that's it, no crafts this week."  I know I'll be over it soon, but until then, it's back to this bag of Sweetarts.  And oh, can someone grab me another beer?





BTW - E just had another bday, and I'm never too ashamed to wish my bestie the very best!

Seriously?

Dear Caron:
I know that Simply Soft is a bargain yarn.  I realize it's machine spun and wound.  I've also seen some annoying yarn blips (like weird knots, tied ends, and chunks of wool) in yarns from many different companies.  But this? 

This is ridiculous. 

Caught banana-handed

I just finished a little crochet banana using a pattern from Amigurumi Paradise. Its for my soon-to-be-here nephew, Liam (remember when babies were named after they were born?) to match the monkey hat I finished last month. 

I put the banana in a plastic bag and snuck it and a camera to the local grocery store for a quick pic among the "real bananas."  I tried to be covert because there was a stockman on the other side filling in some bare spots.

I made two mistakes:
  1. I left the flash on, which said "hey everyone, look at me!  I'm doing something questionable in the store!"
  2. I left the memory card at home.  The camera was quite angry about this and started beeping. Effect?  See above. 

So, no picture and the banana man came over to check things out.  I grabbed my little fake and  a bunch of reals and scurried off.  This pic is from my kitchen counter, where weird stunts are expected. 

Mistakes were made

I saw a recipe for caramel pudding on Smitten Kitchen and thought "this is a thing I can do."  By now I should know that uttering those words almost guarantees failure.

I have made pudding before, many times, from scratch and in various flavors.  How much harder could this one be?  Unfortunately it includes my nemesis caramel - favorite flavor for the boyfriend, potential fire hazard for me.  I pulled the caramel early because I feared burning it, and the result is a slightly thickened product most akin to sweetened condensed milk (which I guess is exactly what this is).  Crazy sweet, but I imagine with a little fresh whipped cream, potentially tasty. 

Check out what I discovered while I was making it - same color as my favorite International Coffee...I think I might be on to something.  (By the way, the pudding did get darker - but nothing like the caramel-colored goodness SK had).

And it looks like my bread's resisting the urge to rise - maybe because it's 18 degrees out? 

On to other failures,


BTW - shout out to E's baby boy, who turned 1 today!  Wish I was there to say Happy Birthday!  Does he like pudding?